Completely Weak

As I sit here and write, quite early in the morning, a party behind my house continues (my clock reads 3:56am). I am grateful for a day of rest tomorrow (WAIT!! I mean TODAY!!), because with how loud the music has been playing since 10:30ish, I don't know how anyone here in this neighborhood can sleep. (tomorrow is the Independence day here in Peru, and so the majority of the country will not be working)

This month is almost over, and it seems like it has just begun. It has been a good, but extremely busy month. We've had several teams come this summer from the states since May, and they are such a blessing to me, our team, and the people here that they serve. We've had construction teams and VBS teams come. This month, in these past 3 weeks, 2 have come back to back, and we have been working hard with them. (just to set the stage a bit)

One day last week, I found myself completely weak and broken. I can't express sufficiently with words how low I was. I was physically and emotionally drained, and I also happened to be physically sick with some various things. The day before too, I sat and delightfully dwelt in a bad attitude about something (why do we do that??), thus ruining my day with a sour sinful attitude, and affecting those around me (sorry ladies!). I was tired, sleep deprived, and just drained in all aspects possible. I don't see anything wrong with crying in public. People can do it as much as they want or need..... I just don't want to do it myself. Several tears were spilt that morning, in front of several people. My sinful attitude from the day before plus all the other issues became quite aware to me, and I was at such a weak point that I knew that if anything came from me that day, that it would only be from the strength of the Lord. We can muster up strength within us, in our own will, (or so we think), but this day I could not muster up anything. Mark Berry, my team leader was on the bus that morning, and we talked about this issue of mine, and he was quite encouraging. I admitted my complete weakness and dependence on the Lord. We prayed through it.

Would you believe it????? The Lord answered our prayers and then some. That morning we did some light construction work, and that afternoon was a VBS in our neighborhood. The Lord supplied me not only with His energy, but also His joy. I think I was the most active that I have been for these past few weeks!!!

So a few rhetorical questions..... Why do we dwell in sin, sometimes delightfully, when we know straight up that it is sin?? (For me it tends to be frustration, anger, or bitterness) Is that supposed to feel good?? Why do we try to do things in our own power, forgetting the very Source of life? Why do we not come to Him first before trying everything else??

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PS: My clock now reads 4:26. And the music has stopped! I think I'll go to sleep now!

Daniel and Marcos

These two beautiful boys are such a delight in the program. They both are quite similar, sweet-natured quiet boys. Of the two, Daniel is the oldest (8), and Marcos (6) is next. They both behave well. They are also in the program for similar reasons as the other children. Their older brother was in the program, but as he advanced in school, his grade has school in the afternoon, so with the open spot, Marcos came on board to the project.

MARCOS

DANIEL

Their family is struggling right now, and their father recently left the family to be with another woman. These boys are suffering a lot from it. (Please be in prayer for this family). Marcos seems to display his emotions more than Daniel, as many times as he starts his homework, he gets frustrated with it, but begins to sob. It breaks my heart everytime. They both work hard in their chores. Daniel often helps his little brother with his homework.

Joel, Diego, and Alexandra

These siblings bring so much joy to my life! Each of them so loving. And each of them in such need of love. They also come from a broken and very poor family. Their father has left them, and their mother and grandmother do what they can to provide for them, and that is selling candies on the street, which makes an average of 20 soles a day (on a good day) which is close to 6 dollars.

Joel started in the program first. He is 8 years old, and takes care of his younger siblings well, but it has also been forced upon him. He has been a testimony of sorts to his mother who is not a believer. One of his stories that brings tears to my eyes is the following: he constantly is talking to her about how she needs to go with them to church on Sundays. She argues saying that she needs to work so they can eat. His response to her is that if she does not work one day, that they will not die of hunger and that they will be ok, even if they miss a meal that day. (What a child!) Before his brother and sister were in the project, he started to miss days there. When it was investigated, they found that he had to stay back with Alexandra and Diego because his mother or grandmother were not at home. So then his siblings came to the project.


Diego is the second child. He is 6 years old. Diego was born prematurely, and when his mother gave birth, essentially he was born in the toilet. She thought he was dead, and we don't know how long he was there before they realized that he was not dead. It could be for these reasons that he is a special needs child. He is a precious little boy, and has some weakness on his right side, especially his arm. They are working with him, some physical therapy exercises daily at the project. He is so caring!


Alexandra is the youngest child in the project at four years old. She is also quite caring. She has the cutest smile, but it is a broken smile as her tiny primary teeth are halfway rotten already. She loves puzzles and coloring, and is one of the first children to run to us when we arrive at the project.

Jasmin

Jasmin is the oldest child in the Huaycan Cristo Salvador project. She is 11 years old, and quite the helper! She, like the other children come from a very poor family. Her family rents out the majority of their home as a store for another family, and their small income comes from that and selling candies on the streets.

All the children have chores do complete after lunch. She often finishes her chores and helps the others with theirs. She often volunteers to pray or to help with the music with the devotionals. She also helps the littler children with their homework. Many of the children look up to her. Through this program, her parents were visited by come members of the church's EE program, and thus came to Christ. They are now active and assisting in the church.

She is such a joy to be around, so kind-hearted, always smiling, and always willing to give hugs.

A Struggle

If you don't mind reading my vulnerable heart as I share with you a recent struggle and conviction that the Lord had helped me through.

One issue about the culture here, and other Latin American countries that I have had to work through (and continually have to work through) is the quite frequent cat calls, whistles, kissing noises,and crude comments made at me. The men here do that to many women, and it is done all the more with my white face walking around. Each time I have to plead to the Lord to keep my sharp tongue still in my mouth or restain my hands from making ugly gestures at them to convey my discust. It never comes across to me as a complement, instead I always feel degraded when these men, who are usually really dirty, scummy looking men that make these foul comments or sounds. It is as common as a bird's song, or a car's horn here.

Yet..........
How many times have I looked at a man, thought he was attractive, and said something about him to a friend, or thought of him and to myself made my own cat calls of sorts? How many times have I found a man attractive on the big screen and made comments? How many times have I physically or emotionally lusted after, desired, or thought of a man, or men in ways that I shouldn't?

The humbling truth: I am just like those men on the bench-- dirty, scummy, and full of junk. I am no better than them. I am no cleaner than them. Foulness comes out of my mouth too, because sin is in my heart. I am just as dirty as them. Even if I don't speak of what I think of the opposite sex, my thoughts can still be sinful.

Christ didn't come to save the righteous, but the sinners.

ONE YEAR TODAY! ! ! ~ July 25, 2006~

Today marks my one year mark since I landed in Peru--And what a year it has been! As I look back on this past year it is quite easy to say that I am a different person now than I was when I arrived. I recall vividly the severe lack of sleep I received the nights before I left the states, the amazing support and profound depth of the goodbyes I received from friends and family.

One year ago I stood in line with my bags packed just slightly overweight, with the next two years packed into 2 check-on bags and 1 carry-on, praying that they would let my bags slide on in.

One year ago I hugged my parents goodbye at the airport, made my way through security, and truly felt the Lord's peace and presence with me as I embarked on His journey for this part of my life. "God, now its just You and me!" I said. I got on the plane and within time Birmingham became my past as it became distant beneath my feet.

One year ago God gave me a huge blessing as I somehow was placed on a first class flight to Lima.

So how am I different?? Let me count the ways!!! Granted, I am still the same person, just a little more pruned or polished since I arrived. But the process to become so is not the most painless experience. I have had my share of hard times, but as I look over this past year, it has been worth every tear, every headache, every cultural hit, every laugh, every goodbye...................

So the obvious change is that I can now communicate with more people in the world than I could last year. I do enjoy Spanish, and I am still learning more. I can now fend for myself in a Spanish speaking country, and it was quite intimidating in my early days here before I could. Also since I love friendships, to be able to make more friends through the medium of another language is quite meaningful to me. It allows me to see a bit through their eyes, hear through their ears, and know more of their hearts as they share with me. I am used to speaking Spanish that often I don't even think about it when I do speak. I enjoy worshipping in Spanish as well. (Although, I still enjoy my English sermons better).

For me, coming to another country, my reliance on Christ for sustenance has greatly increased. It is a different country, culture, customs, sounds, sights, smells, and it used to be a foreign language. I have had to rely on my Rock more in this year, and learn more about what my reliance should be. I have a new a deep appreciation for safety, and DAILY rely on God's hand of protection. I have been strapped for money, and have needed to rely on God's hand of providence, and His moving in the hearts of others to give for my basic needs. I have and will be away from family and friends for some important milestones in their lives, yet I have been present in the important milestones of new friends here. I have seen God bring people to Himself.

I have also learned more about myself and seen more of my sin. I think that the mission field can truly bring it out of someone. I have seen more of the discusting person I am, and am always in great need of my Christ, His grace, His mercy, and His cleansing. He is continuing to work on my heart, to work in my life, to make me to be the woman He wants me to be.

As a shirt of one of my friends says, "I am the wretch the song talks about."

And this is only year one!