Completely Weak
As I sit here and write, quite early in the morning, a party behind my house continues (my clock reads 3:56am). I am grateful for a day of rest tomorrow (WAIT!! I mean TODAY!!), because with how loud the music has been playing since 10:30ish, I don't know how anyone here in this neighborhood can sleep. (tomorrow is the Independence day here in Peru, and so the majority of the country will not be working)
This month is almost over, and it seems like it has just begun. It has been a good, but extremely busy month. We've had several teams come this summer from the states since May, and they are such a blessing to me, our team, and the people here that they serve. We've had construction teams and VBS teams come. This month, in these past 3 weeks, 2 have come back to back, and we have been working hard with them. (just to set the stage a bit)
One day last week, I found myself completely weak and broken. I can't express sufficiently with words how low I was. I was physically and emotionally drained, and I also happened to be physically sick with some various things. The day before too, I sat and delightfully dwelt in a bad attitude about something (why do we do that??), thus ruining my day with a sour sinful attitude, and affecting those around me (sorry ladies!). I was tired, sleep deprived, and just drained in all aspects possible. I don't see anything wrong with crying in public. People can do it as much as they want or need..... I just don't want to do it myself. Several tears were spilt that morning, in front of several people. My sinful attitude from the day before plus all the other issues became quite aware to me, and I was at such a weak point that I knew that if anything came from me that day, that it would only be from the strength of the Lord. We can muster up strength within us, in our own will, (or so we think), but this day I could not muster up anything. Mark Berry, my team leader was on the bus that morning, and we talked about this issue of mine, and he was quite encouraging. I admitted my complete weakness and dependence on the Lord. We prayed through it.
Would you believe it????? The Lord answered our prayers and then some. That morning we did some light construction work, and that afternoon was a VBS in our neighborhood. The Lord supplied me not only with His energy, but also His joy. I think I was the most active that I have been for these past few weeks!!!
So a few rhetorical questions..... Why do we dwell in sin, sometimes delightfully, when we know straight up that it is sin?? (For me it tends to be frustration, anger, or bitterness) Is that supposed to feel good?? Why do we try to do things in our own power, forgetting the very Source of life? Why do we not come to Him first before trying everything else??
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PS: My clock now reads 4:26. And the music has stopped! I think I'll go to sleep now!
This month is almost over, and it seems like it has just begun. It has been a good, but extremely busy month. We've had several teams come this summer from the states since May, and they are such a blessing to me, our team, and the people here that they serve. We've had construction teams and VBS teams come. This month, in these past 3 weeks, 2 have come back to back, and we have been working hard with them. (just to set the stage a bit)
One day last week, I found myself completely weak and broken. I can't express sufficiently with words how low I was. I was physically and emotionally drained, and I also happened to be physically sick with some various things. The day before too, I sat and delightfully dwelt in a bad attitude about something (why do we do that??), thus ruining my day with a sour sinful attitude, and affecting those around me (sorry ladies!). I was tired, sleep deprived, and just drained in all aspects possible. I don't see anything wrong with crying in public. People can do it as much as they want or need..... I just don't want to do it myself. Several tears were spilt that morning, in front of several people. My sinful attitude from the day before plus all the other issues became quite aware to me, and I was at such a weak point that I knew that if anything came from me that day, that it would only be from the strength of the Lord. We can muster up strength within us, in our own will, (or so we think), but this day I could not muster up anything. Mark Berry, my team leader was on the bus that morning, and we talked about this issue of mine, and he was quite encouraging. I admitted my complete weakness and dependence on the Lord. We prayed through it.
Would you believe it????? The Lord answered our prayers and then some. That morning we did some light construction work, and that afternoon was a VBS in our neighborhood. The Lord supplied me not only with His energy, but also His joy. I think I was the most active that I have been for these past few weeks!!!
So a few rhetorical questions..... Why do we dwell in sin, sometimes delightfully, when we know straight up that it is sin?? (For me it tends to be frustration, anger, or bitterness) Is that supposed to feel good?? Why do we try to do things in our own power, forgetting the very Source of life? Why do we not come to Him first before trying everything else??
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PS: My clock now reads 4:26. And the music has stopped! I think I'll go to sleep now!
posted by Becca @ 3:53 AM
1 Comments:
At August 03, 2006 10:49 AM,
Anonymous said…
hey girl, i've been there. just reading your words reminds of that all-too-close pain of absolute broken-ness. for me it happened about 6 weeks ago. But I clung to those words from MTI... God is not safe, but He is good. it helped.
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